Out of Character

Just two friends, sharing, laughing and remembering...Good Times!

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

"CRISCO" - BUTT BASTE OF CHOICE;)

I was in a rather generous mood on Saturday. I'm not really into "butt sex" at all but, to my understanding, it drives boys wild. ...so every now and then (not so now ..more so then) I indulge the rockstar in a little "freaky leaky love" ...We were all alone without a kid around so I gave into his pleading. ...but first, "I'll need some lubricant" ...and do you know why it's called Lubri-CANT? ...because if you don't have any -You CAN'T do it! ...Fresh out ...ALL OUT! Not a single drop (that could be tied back to a previous blog;) So immediately the rockstar starts shouting out all the everyday household products we can use: tanning lotion, wd-40, body wash ...the list goes on and on ...the most bizarre was "mayonaisse" ...sounds like he's done this before;) Then he had a revelation, "Let's use cooking oil" ..that just might work! The conversation went something like this:

ME: Whoa, wait a minute ...you want me to take fat from a dead animal and put it in my butt so that you can have sex THAT I DON'T EVEN WANT TO HAVE? NO WAY!!

HIM: NO, it's ok ...it's vegetable oil

ME: So ...let me get this straight ...you want to take a bushel of beans and press the oil out of them and put that in my a** so that you can do this

HIM: I don't think it'd take a whole bushel

ME: You under estimate the butt!

So, I begrudgingly agree and he skips down stairs for the oil (LOL, could I make him sound any gayer? Butt sex and skipping! He'd be flabergasted if he ever read this -HA! Flabergasted ... instant "gayness") He comes back upstairs carrying a shotglass full of veg. oil! ...Now I'm cracking up! I guess you had to be there and from your point of view at this point you probably want to vomit, but it was really quite commical;)

But ..I ws starting to have second thoughts ...I was just a little concerned that this could cause some damage internally ..or give me some kind of booty cooties. I mean, what if I had to go to the doctor ...I was just playing the converation over and over in my head:

DR: I think I see the problem. Ms.Shortcake, Have you been putting animal fat or veg. oil in your butt? **They would have to recognize, they probably see this stuff all the time**

ME: Well ..yes DR. Is that a problem?

DR: What would make you think it is ok to put veg oil in your butt?

ME: That's my loser rockstar boyfriend **I mean, what am I supposed to say???**

So, here's the deal ...I did the deed, but If for whatever reason, I end up having to go to the Dr. The rockstar has to buy me a new outfit for my pain and suffering ...but mostly the embarrasment from hearing the Dr say "Have you been having butt sex"

What about you ...What's your favorite lubri-CANT?

7 Comments:

  • At 11:08 AM, Blogger Fishman said…

    I think I could've lived the rest of my life without ever knowing that about you!! No comment :-D

     
  • At 11:25 AM, Blogger Rainbow-Bright said…

    Strawberrie, you never cease to amaze me! I love you chicka! But, you gave me a GREAT idea...I need some extra fundages for my week in Lexington next week. Maybe if I give butt sex, I'll get extra. It's worth a try...without the veggie oil though, I prefer my own lubriCAN'T. LOL

     
  • At 12:19 PM, Blogger Strawberrie-Shortcake said…

    I suggest the veggie oil ...it doesn't evaporate like other lubricants ...I went to the bathroom afterwards and like to have slipped off the toilet! LOL

     
  • At 1:12 PM, Blogger Master Foley said…

    SS the distrubing images you give me
    and the fact that you said BUTT SEX is too funny

    RB I'm gonna be at the Blue Moon this Saturday

     
  • At 1:19 PM, Blogger Rainbow-Bright said…

    I won't be up there till next Wed...but you can bet I'll be at the Blue Moon. I'm staying at the Campbell House a few nights. It will be good to get away on my "business" trip. LOL Any other good mid-week party spots you can suggest?

     
  • At 2:12 PM, Blogger John Q. Public esq. said…

    boy did I miss something here..
    but to answer your question, it would be getting the sweet and loving Mrs. JQP about three vodka tonic tall dbl lime, for a start...

    hi ya, just stopped back by my office to grab stuff then I am off back down south

    JQP

     
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