Out of Character

Just two friends, sharing, laughing and remembering...Good Times!

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

LIVE AND LOVE

Good Morning Blog Ho's;) Since I have been sharing my "faltering" relationship with all of you. I wanted to post some more emails from/to the rockstar this morn. A little lengthy, but so far this relationship has failed miserably ..so I am looking for a little input;)

To Jason on Monday,

I need a favor ...and I hate to ask you to do this. ...But when you get home, will you take **daughters** things out to her at **friends** house. Her suitcase is so big and I didn't want her to have to take it with her to school today (she's staying with friend until school is out at end of month). I know it's a long ride out ..but she needs it ..and she needs to see you. She is really struggling with this J ...she has made you her dad in her mind and now she she thinks you don't love her anymore. Will you please show her otherwise. I know it's hard, ...it's hard on everyone. But she loves you and needs you too.

I think she has tennis practice after school. If they are not there you can just leave it outside.

I love you big boy. I don't know where we went wrong ...but it's a huge mistake on both our parts.



To Jason on Tuesday,

I appreciate you taking care of coco yesterday. ...and I appreciate your dinner offer. However, there are some issues that we need to talk about. You say we should start over, but I see us continuing on the same road ...I sent you 2 emails last week and you never responded ...and I think a response was in order.

I would like for you to really take a minute and put yourself in my shoes. If I had come home and immediately jumped into bed with someone ..how would that have made you feel?

You see, it's a little different to you because it was you and tish. If I had done the exact same thing I would have been a whore and you would have said:

a. I had been cheating on you the whole time
b. That was planned
c. He was why I left

I'm really struggling with this. I hear your invitation, but don't know how to accept. I can't be a fall back plan to you ...and you won't always keep me this close ...we are OR we aren't.

What do you want for your life? Who's going to wipe your tears?

From Jason Today:

hello, I don't get on here every night so there may be a time lapse between letters. Some days are longer than others for me. I have thought about it and put myself in your shoes. I am not too sure that those the exact responses that I would have had. But I will admit that I would have tryed to make excuses for your behavior. In this particular case, it was just what I said it was........I paniced and ran....I was overwhelmed. I am sorry though I now see that it was not what I needed to do and it hurt you......which I did not want to do. We were somewhat deceitful to one another. You projected a certain type fo feeling toward me, like one that you were completely done and happy that it was over, and you were then able to carry on with your life. and I reacted to it with a somber answer, when really I was devistated and went to the first shelter I could find. I am sorry. I would like it if you came over and visited though.. you can do your laundry. I miss you. I think that the girls had fun. We watched Finding Neverland, with Johnny Depp. You would like it. Call me or something if you want. love J


My response to Jason:

I am sorry if I ever conveyed that message. Like you, I too, am finding ways to cope. Mine happens to be withdrawing from the situation completely, because to think about it is "devastating".

Jason I am begging you to take a pro-active role in our relationship. Don't be so passive, there are things that need to be done daily for a relationship to succeed. We have some time invested in this and ...I would like to see things work. ...but, they don't just happen on their own. I have said it before, love is not a feeling ...love is a decision and a commitment that you choose everyday. How committed are you to me? I assure you that I am just as committed as the day I moved to Indiana and, still, very much in love with you. I want to share my life with you and I can not promise you that I can keep all the troubles and trials out of our relationship ...but I will be there to go thru them with you and ...wipe your tears.

Jason, tell me what I do that conveys "love" to you. I always thought that you knew how much, but I have decided you and I have very different thought processes. What can I do to show you I care? For example, although you can not understand my reasons, when you take care of the house that conveys love to me. When you do not, I feel like I am not important and ...unloved. The house is an extension of the woman and, with you, I do not feel that extension is "secure" ...How can we build an intimate loving relationship, that we both desire, on shaky foundation? I am not asking you to understand this, ...just validate it. If I feel it ...IT IS.

What makes you feel loved?

16 Comments:

  • At 11:05 AM, Anonymous Master Foley said…

    guess I don't know and that's why I never feel loved. I should sit and think about this.

    actually one think that always makes me feel special is when someone validates my geekiness and buys me stuff that fuels it.

     
  • At 11:21 AM, Blogger Rainbow-Bright said…

    Made all my comments in the next post...

    I feel loved when someone does something special for me and only me. When it has no benefit to themselves or anyone else. Make me feel like I am the only person in the world...if for only an hour or so. :)

     
  • At 11:30 AM, Blogger Strawberrie-Shortcake said…

    I feel loved when you take the time to comfort me and share your wisdom (and wine!)everytime my world cracks up. It's not easy giving the same "pep talk" everyday 5 years in a row;) ...but the wine still tastes like the 1st time:)

    Thanks for always being my best good friend Rainbow. I can't imagine this rotton ol' world without ya;)

     
  • At 11:34 AM, Blogger Strawberrie-Shortcake said…

    Master ...We LOVE you!

    What can we do to show it?

     
  • At 11:34 AM, Blogger Strawberrie-Shortcake said…

    Master ...We LOVE you!

    What can we do to show it?

     
  • At 11:56 AM, Anonymous Master Foley said…

    LOL
    RB had a wonderful idea
    I'll let her fill you in.

    But I know you guys love me.

     
  • At 12:13 PM, Blogger Rainbow-Bright said…

    Master, I tried...SS said "no monkey show right now!" I tried to explain that I'm sure her round a** would do, that you wouldn't be too picky. ;)

     
  • At 1:25 PM, Anonymous Master Foley said…

    never picky fo-shizzle

     
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