Out of Character

Just two friends, sharing, laughing and remembering...Good Times!

Friday, July 29, 2005


When I was 14 I left home. I just knew I could make a better life somewhere else (Lord, don't we wish we knew everything we knew back then!) I married and had a beautiful bb girl that to this very day is my best good friend -However, the boy wasn't so "beautiful" and there was never any honeymoon. I am thankful to have had the opportunity to stay home with our child her first year. However, by the time I was 18 her wonderful dad had "sold me" to the gentlemens club a block away. Apparently "he knew a girl" (most likely was sleeping with a girl) that had worked there and if I "would just do it a couple of months" we could get out of debt and get a good start in life. HA! ~But, I agreed ~as usual.

My first night was terrible ...absolutely miserable ...disheartening ...and it sickens me to think of it even now. I'd never seen girls act so vulgar and definitely had Never EVER seen anyone stark naked in public. I was shocked that such a place even existed. PEOPLE I WAS 18!! And having left home at 14 to marry and have a baby ...I didn't have a whole lot of "worldly" experiences. I remember my "interview" ...my boss went over the following rules:

1. You dance 2 songs. At very least, your top must come off by the 2nd song.

2. If you are late, You pay the bar $50 for every hour.

3. You must keep 6" between you and patron while dancing ...OKAY! This one was Funny ...because I was like HELLO, I'll be 6 FEET from that sorry stinkin' S.O.B that should be home with his wife and kids. -DON'T WORRY!

My first night hurt ...absolutely hurt me on the inside. Being raised in a Christian home I knew this was not accceptable and God himself was crying for me. A waitress (obviously sent by boss) kept bringing me drinks to loosin' me up. I was thankful for them then, but now I wonder how they were able to serve "a child" alcohol. ...and that mean man kept yelling at me telling me I would have to go next or go home ...and home wasn't an option for me.

I worked those stupid clubs for what seemed like eternity. Most likely, a year. ...I had to keep my day job so no one would wonder how we were getting by so well and I worked the club at night ..away from my baby girl. Whats sickens me most is that ...at some point I became ok with it ...and started to enjoy the attention ...and work became fun for me.

Eventually, I realized this was not the life I wanted for my daughter or myself ...an abusive home and a mother that earned a living like that. I started giving my husband the majority of my pay -but always keeping a little back for us. Finally I had enough money to run away ...and I have never been back. I pray my daughter never knows this dark past.

Last night I ran into a guy that remembered me from there ...He used my stage name ...that made me uncomfortable.

Tuesday, July 26, 2005


I think I must be phasing in to a whole new era of my life. I find more contentment in everyday things. The drama seems to be passing away and, for the first time ever, I ate brussel sprouts. This may not seem blog-worthy to the average passer by. But believe me, this has been a life long quest of my fathers.

When I was just a little bit'a girl my dad and I had all out war ...OVER ONE BRUSSEL SPROUT. This one night left a lasting impression that would torture me and drive a wedge between dad and I forever. My momma still tells the story of the night dad tried to force that evil piece of greenery thru my clenched teeth. I was not budging. The more addament he became ..the madder and more sure I got ..that he would NEVER succeed. As GOD AS MY WITNESS, I WILL NEVER EAT THAT LITTLE GREEN VEGGIE! The story has become vague in my mind, as thru the years I have tried to block out that awful night. I just remember how pititul that little girl must have looked at the table soaked from her tears and exhausted by the fight that seemed to last for hours and carried on thru out the years.

Yesterday my dad stopped by for lunch. ...There's a great little cafeteria a block down from my work ..and wouldn't you know ...they serve brussel sprouts. Dad never said a word as we walked past ...for the first time ever ...he didn't mention that night ..as he had for the past 25 years ...EVERY SINGLE SOLITARY TIME HE SEES A BRUSSEL SPROUT He feels compelled to remind me of what a rebellious child I was. Quitely, I picked up the brussel sprouts and proceeded thru the line. As we sat down I put the bowl between us. Neither of us mentioned that terrible night ...instead, we shared a smile and a bowl of sprouts.

Monday, July 25, 2005


...And the Rockstar Returns. How in Haidi's am I supposed to get on with my life with emails like this one in my inbox?

Hey sweetypie. i wrote you a song..........well maybe not...sorta stole it i guess....but it is still how i feel. when the rains blowin in your face, and the whole world is on your case, i would offer you a warm embrace, to make you feel my love. when the evening shadows and the stars appear , and there is no one to dry your tears, i could hold you for a million years, to make you feel my love. i know you haven't made you mind up yet, but i would never do you wrong. i known it from the moment that we met, and theres no doubt in my mind where you belong. sorry i just thought i could put that in there. i do really feel that way though. i went to church this morning...i just couldn't sleep at all, and i got off work at 300 and got home at 400 and was up getting ready at 800. i can't function with you on my brain all time. anyway, *preacher* was talking about rejoycing in the good things that god has givin us...and at the top of the list was children....so of course it reminded me of how much i miss *my daughter* and you and all of the kids at the house. we usta have a packed house every weekend..i never knew how much that really meant to me until i woke this sunday morning and had no waffles to fix a dozen kids. do you want a waffle i make a pretty mean one you know? please come home....your my sunshine.....and i am in darkness. you light up my life. i talked to mom last night about it...she says she misses you too. every one misses you...*only friend i ever had there* has her motorcycle permit now...she is wanting to go on a big ride soon...if her dad will let her ride his bike.......well better go my one daylight day off is wasting away.... i love you beautiful. your soulmate *stupid ungrateful cheating irreponsible immature rockstar*

I still love him. I just know this player can never be anything my heart needs or wants him to be. It's ...just too late and my heart was too broke. ...Big stupid meanie head!

Thursday, July 21, 2005

MEN ...Hmmp.

I have nothing at all even remotely worth posting today. But I thought the script needed changing just as well.

The rockstar proposed to me ...via text message yesterday. Yes, I'm am fully aware what a lucky girl I am ...lucky indeed **says sarcastically**. I have 4 boys competing for my attention at this time. The problem is they are all ex-bf's or ex-husbands. Why why why is it that boys think they can cast you away and call you hither whenever the notion strikes. If you can't see and appreciate what you have when you've got it ...what makes you think I will come crawling back to you later. Can someone explain this phenomena? Guys ..you owe me nothing but brutal honesty ...and since we're not having sex I will not be with-holding sex afterwards. Tell me whats up? How can a boy totally disrespect you and disappoint you and call you back 4 months later with a marriage proposal?

Monday, July 18, 2005


...All's well that ends well. This weekend has caused me to "reflect" on my life somewhat. We celebrated Rainbows 29th bday and I took my Grandma to visit a friend she hasn't seen in 48 years. It caused me to think of myself and where I've been and where I'm going.

Yesterday on my way home I realized that ...I am finally ...all grown up. ...I remember, when I was little, holding my arm out the window as our mom drove that little black beetle. I loved the way the wind felt in my hair and on my face ...James Taylor was playing on the radio ...and it was summertime. 29 years later and I'm still waving in the wind. Yesterday it rained. I drove home with my arm out the window ...and for the first time ...I realized ...the rain doesn't sting anymore. When I was little the rain stung my sensitive skin ...I guess over the years ...we harden and adjust to adversity ...the rain ...just doesn't sting as much. ...and we grow up ...and grow old like my grandma.

Friday, July 15, 2005

Ode to Rainbow Bright

1. I love you for you

2. I love you for me

3. I love the way you give so selflessly to your family and admire your dedication to them.

4. I love the way you dance and the way you capture all the attention in a room

5. I love the way you tickle backs and the way you smiled when you read that;)

6. I love the way I can talk to you and you make everything better

7. I love your ablility to score free drinks and breakfast!

8. I love you for allowing me to be me –bad choices and all;)

9. I love you for always making me feel like a star –even after a bad decision

10. I love you just the way you are

******************HAPPY BIRTHDAY RAINBOW-I HEART YOU**************

Thursday, July 14, 2005


I'm so super excited! Tomorrow is Rainbow Brights Birthday and Saturday I'm having a big pool party at the house to celebrate!! I've hired cabanna boys to serve up frothy foo foo drinks (poolside of course!) and a cook to grill the following ..just for you rainbow:

bbq chicken
pork tenderloin
cabbage and potatoes

On the inside -I'll be preparing:

mac and cheese and chocolate lush!!

I've got some really fun games lined out for us too! I thought we'd go "old school" with some traditional apple bobbing!! And "See ya Suckers" -Who can consume their wine the fastest -from a baby bottle??? Here's one I'm working on ...remember the "smarties" we ate as kids? I thought we could try to pick them up with straws ..but then what should we do with them? Is it possible to play suck and blow with smarties and straws or would you pick the smarties up with a straw and carry it somewhere or just see how many you can pick up and put in a bowl? Of course, we'll have wheelbarrow races and waterballoons to boot -OH! This is really going to be a hoot!

Make sure you stop by if you are in the area!! And bring your birthday suit! OOPS!! I mean bathing suit!! REALLY! See ya then!

Wednesday, July 13, 2005



Him: Good Morning "my name" **Hands me bag**

Me: Well Good Morning Sunshine **Opens bag**

Me: **Finds Bottle of Blackberry Wine** Wow! Thanks! What's the Occassion?

Him: I just find the drunker you are, the more productive you are.

Me: Well Heck Yeah! Here's to Production **Pops Cork**

Wow! What a Life!

Monday, July 11, 2005


I'm feeling a little "disturbed" today. Have you people no manners at all? During lunch I came upon a funeral procession ...so ...I stopped ...in the street ...to pay respect to the family. I thought everyone did. However, a gentleman (not so "gentle") in a volvo behind me started cussing me and throwing up gang signs because his latte' was cooling while I was sitting in the street. WTF? Do you stop for funerals? What is "proper etiquette"? How about on 4-lane highways? Is that expected as well?

Friday, July 08, 2005


This is tooo good not to blog it!! My brother-in-law drove around last night in a Lincoln with a maxi pad stuck to the drivers side window! ...I really thought he was doing it as a prank ...you know, boys just being silly;) But apparently, my sister put it there to make him look like a big loser and keep all the girls away! Clever, I thought!

When asked if someone could use the car ...he obliged ...with one reminder "Do Not Move the Maxi - Momma will Be Mad" ...It would so work for me ..there is no way I'm going to approach a menstruating man;)

Thursday, July 07, 2005


Seems like my life is one big mammoth wave after another. There's always a little something going on ;) I didn't make it to >a href="http://stonemountainpark.com"StoneMountain
as planned and, as a tribute to JQP I wasn't going to type about it until he was back and blogging again. However, being the blog whore that I am and the fact that I have nothing to do today ...I have decided to break the silence. I love you Johnny Boy but ..sometimes you just gotta keep on truckin ..even after your passenger is ejected.

My little brothers daddy had open heart surgery on Friday, so we decided to stick around here in leiu of Georgia ..just in case he needed us... I visited with him yesterday ...although I couldn't rouse him at all ..completely lifeless ..very disheartening. Sorry to miss the festivities
Ananonymousgirl I know we would have made some serious waves in the south;)

Saturday was well spent in Owensboro attending a friends wedding. Absolutely GORGEOUS! I'm so glad we've moved away from traditional boring weddings. This one was outside beside a pond ..with a fountain ..the whole wedding party was barefoot ..including the 8 children that twirled in with fairy wings to the tune of "A whole new world" ...very magical. Brooke and Joe -I wish you mud puddles and dandelions to enjoy your whole life thru. **ps ..sorry i broke your door and burned your countertop ..it was an honest mistake** Happy Honey-Mooning!

Saturday night I was back at the river by midnight ...had a glass of wine, laughed with friends and was in bed by 12:30.

Sunday, against Dr's orders, I was back in the
lake reflecting on what a wonderful life it truly is. It really does not take a lot to make me smile. I'm a lucky girl. ..and for someone that is flat broke all the time ..I sure do have a lot of fun! This weekend after years of "no's" ...I went off one of the most hideous rope swings you have ever seen. You've got to pack a 50 lb. rope up a mountain side to even do this ..This is not your grand-dads swing;) With little grace and lots of pain ..it is done ...I am now an official "swinger" ...landing 300 feet below spread eagle ...on my back **looks shamefully proud** I think I have finally made my wave on the world.

Friday, July 01, 2005


Today ...I have the worst earache I have ever experienced. ...Actually ...I believe this may be the only earache I have ever experienced. It has literally dropped me to my knees (which hot wakeboard boy enjoyed tremendously!) It started two days ago, but I am always broke by Wednesday (Why isn't that spelled Whensday, like it should be?) and wasn't able to go to the Dr. until today.

After talking to the Dr. she suggested I have "swimmers ear" ....which is caused by, YOU GUESSED IT, ...Swimming! She then proceded to "irrigate" my ear, no less than 15 times. ...For those of you that don't understand "irrigation" This is where the Dr. takes a high powered watergun (and all the anxiety she feels inside) and forcefully "shoots" your eardrum with water. Like I wasn't in enough pain already! I squealed like a girl! ...All the while I'm thinking "GREAT! That's just what I need ...MORE WATER!"

It's a good thing I'm visiting StoneMountain and not doing my usual river dance. The Dr. has put me on "water leave" for the next 2 weeks ...I'm shooting for one;) I guess I'll have to play captain next weekend (...much to the dismay of every other boater on the lake!)

On a side note ...I'm pretty sure my female Dr. has a crush on me. She invades my space on every visit and "makes eyes" at me quite frequently. She insists on touching me when I talk to her and "told me never to worry about my co-pay -just come see her" ...I thought all this pretty strange ...and when she had to do a pelvic exam to diagnose swimmers ear ...I became somewhat concerned???? ...Hmmmm.

Everyone have a happy and SAFE 4th of July! And Remember ***Drink Responsibly***