Out of Character

Just two friends, sharing, laughing and remembering...Good Times!

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

This ones out of the park...

So. To Catch Everyone up. I'm posting a couple of emails to/from Hot Cop ((yes.. you heard right Hot COP! hee hee hee) Tell me ...what do you think??

FRom Him:


Ok, so I just finished reading the many blogs of Strawberry Shortcake and all i can say is ... WOW. It was like a little slice of your life, I feel like I'm kinda cheating you without having something similar for you to peruse at your convenience. Um, you had me laughing my azz off for the most part, and not to sound like a silly sally but some of things you went through in the last few years had me a little misty eyed, it's ok to admit it it doesn't mean I'm a girl, and if anyone thinks it does let me at em I;ll knock em on their arse. Just joking its ok for guys to have feelings too,my mama said so ). All right Sassy McFeisty, yeah you, you've had me stumbling around like an imbecile with this stupid grin ( which I still won't admit that I smile when other people aren't around, nope I won't you can't make me) for a couple of days now, and as much as I hate to admit it, I like it. I really don't think it's just the nostalgia of days gone by, I find myself just wanting to talk to you all the time, tell you all about me,,, it's kinda scary cause that's not me, I haven't clicked with someone like this since....well .....you, and it's not the same kinda click we had back then; Us being kids and feeling from the moment I stared into your eyes that I needed you, not like you need an umbrella if it's raining or a partner for a old fashioned sack race, but like..... we need the blood that races through us just so our hearts can beat, like you NEED that great gasp of air when you break the surface of the water after thinking you wouldn't make it... so many words I can't even begin to attempt. I guess the closest I could come was back then, being with you, joking with you , loving you just made me feel complete. This isn't to sound sappy or like I'm trying to lay a line on you, but I really have missed you. and it took my hearing your voice to realize how much. Even though it was a short time in the scheme of things that we were together I really hope you understand that you've been a part of my life since then and will be until the day I die, come what may whether we are just friends, acquaintances or where life will lead us. I really did think I could protect you and **daughtersname**, make you happy, build a life together, save you from the baddies. I want you to know that if I had known then that it would just have taken proving to you that I had a plan and that you two would never have to do without, I would have done anything. Looking back on it through the eyes and experiences of an adult, all I can think is how naive I must have been to think that Love is all that really matters, it's a nice ideal but reality can be much harsher . I never had to lose you two to realize what I'd had, I knew what I had, and what I lost. The good news is that I don't think I really had any idea at the time of what a relationship, a partnership really consisted of, I was too lost in thinking that I could save you, be you knight in shining armor. I'd much rather have it this way, looking back on it, all the goods and one or two bads, then if we had forced ourselves back then to try to make it work out, ended up hating each other and never gotten this chance to be friends again. The click I'm feeling now is ...hmm how to describe it....like, as stupid as this sounds, almost no time has passed. I'm not saying romantically, but like friends that haven't seen each other in a while and they just start back their conversation from where they left off. I feel like when I'm talking to you I'm just filling in the blanks, not trying to tell someone new who I am, but more like just telling someone who knows me what I've been up too. It's so surreal, I'm nervous, anxious, scared, excited. curious, worried, hopeful and all the other seven million little dwarfs including dopey). I've spent so long building up my persona of indifference, my wall of self-preservation that talking to you, someone who knows the core of me, what I was and still am for the most part, it feels , just natural. Ok enough of this feelings crap, letting you see the man behind the curtain a little too much, next thing you'll want to know how to get home to Kansas. Bad joke I know, but I have to keep you relaxed, even if it's just to say " Boy, you're Stupid" , as long as I made you laugh a bit I'm doing my job. Courtney being 15 just blows me away, until we talked she was forever trapped in time in my mind. That little 3 year old girl who's daddy I wanted so desperately to be. You know better then me what a smart little cookie she always was, the questions that little girl could come up with, and you better have a answer that made sense to her or you would get no peace, I really regret not seeing her grow up. Heh talking to her on the phone when I called you earlier was probably the most nervous I've been in a long time, like a long tailed cat in a room of rocking chairs. She sounded so smart, then with the whole 15 year old thing, and you know we old people just can't understand what they are going through; I was so afraid I'd say something stupid, I probably did. Sometimes I think I keep these size 13s stuck to the heel in my mouth. I just thought about something, didn't we have to break into the apartment one time or was it something we did all the time through the bedroom window, like we lost the key or something, I don't know exactly it was a wandering thought that jumped d in there. BTW I can tend to be a bit of an insomniac, I don't know if I mentioned that, I don't so much fall asleep as pass out ) And on that note I think I'll be going to sleep now its about 414am CST so you should be getting up for work soon. Hopefully you slept well and your toddys let you drift off quickly, nice and relaxed. I'll be working one of my side jobs at noon CST ( the bank) before I go to work at 4pm on the street so I need to be up in about 5 or 6 hrs, maybe try and hit the gym for a run well see how that goes. Have a great day at work darlin, I really am loving getting to know you (again).

I don't wax poetic, I wax pathetic. )

signed **boy**


P.S. I don't know why but I'm driven by this overwhelming urge that I want to kiss you, and that makes me nervous. Would you like the way I kiss now? Do I even remember how you like to be kissed, is it different now? Would you look me in the eyes just before our lips touch as I gently tilt your chin with my fingers? Would I be the one trapped in your eyes? Would just hugging you to my chest tightly and kissing your forehead send sparks through me?
Sorry I went off track there I get a little loopy when I'm tired. I'm glad you found me. The timing of this, the coincidences, how comfortable I am talking to you, this attraction I'm feeling for you again makes me want to throw caution to the wind. Do people get a second chance in life? I don't know. Is this a second chance? HEH Ok that I really don't know. I do know I want to see you , in person, again....soon.

My Response:

you make my head dizzy! ..and just when i think the storm is settling the waves rock my boat again! I liked the mail I got this morn! ... ...so sincere.. open ...vulnerable ..way to put yourself out there! LOL! Genuine as always;)

When I think of us (before) i remember being such a kid ...and just so scared of the unknown ..scared you were leaving and scared to let myself go with you... scared of the unknown, where you would take me ...and as pathetic as my life was ...i knew what to expect ...I didn't know where u were going. ...and now (today) here I am ..an adult ..and scared again.

How ((WHY!!)) did we ever find each other again... Should we meet? Should we not?? Should we just get "re-aquainted" here? So many thoughts go thru my head. I play out different scenarios ..just like I did 8 years ago ..how would it be when we finally met again? I hadn't toyed with this idea in so long... ...and now, having had the experiences I have... what do I do with the situation in front of me? What do we do? Do you think we are clicking now? Or caught up in "all the clicks" we felt before? I haven't felt this excited in forever... thought I was way to old for this *wink* ...and after you live a little and experience SO MUCH ..it's hard to get excited over to much these days! You know?

I feel like moving to fast could be a mistake. ... and we could sabotage ourselves ..again. I'm hesitant to meet and at the same time ..it's all I want. This is huge ...for me ...I think you feel some of the same things that I do ..it's scary. Overwhelming. And we've "known each other" less than a week.

...At one time, I knew if I could just find you and you could see who I turned out to be ...you would fall in love with me all over again ..and we would pick up where we left off and it would be just like before ..only a trillion times better ..because I was better ..because I was capable of giving and caring ..and not always taking ..I wanted you to see that I cook and clean and take care of **daughter** and make real money working a real job. I wanted to go to church together and pray together and show you the contentment that I found there. ..I wanted you to be able to show me to your friends and family and be proud of me ..not like before. ...and now ...now that I've found you ..now I'm grown up and know that it just doesn't work that way. But the things that I feel today suggest otherwise. ..this whole situation defies everything that I know.

11 Comments:

  • At 12:03 PM, Blogger cathouse teri said…

    I'm lost. haha...
    This was a compilation of emails? Cause I don't think I've ever known of a man who "talked" that much!!

     
  • At 12:47 PM, Blogger Strawberrie-Shortcake said…

    ONE EMAIL! ...and I KNOW! It's a lot to take in. Our relationship ended really kind of abruptly ..and we've not spoke ONE WORD in 10 years.. I had NO idea where he was ..at all. Then when we re-connect... THIS? Wow. ... to say the least ..I'm dazed ..and somewhat confused!!

     
  • At 1:53 PM, Blogger Kirsti said…

    Looks to me like this is going the right way? What's the problem?

     
  • At 2:02 PM, Blogger Strawberrie-Shortcake said…

    EXACTLY! -It's kind of ironic that Kirsti is the one that makes this comment ...because at Kirstis age its romantic and exciting and what every girl wants ...he's perfect ..says and does just the right thing ..HELLO! HE's HOT COP! ...but at mine... at my age ...ITS SCARY AS HELL!!!

    And no offense Kirsti -You know I love you sis ..and there's always a place for you in Ky;)

     
  • At 2:11 PM, Blogger John Q. Public esq. said…

    Ok, let me be the grown-up here...both of you need to slow the hell down...

    thats it.


    not roses and barefoot walks forever.

    take some time get to know eachother for who you are now, warts and all.

    there, done being a grown-up

     
  • At 2:14 PM, Blogger cathouse teri said…

    Dear Dazed and Confused:

    To tell the truth, I didn't get past "silly sally" ~ man who uses phrases like that is definitely someone I like! Is he available? He's not married, right?

    Do write and tell me and then the advice column theme can go on!

    Signed,
    Miss Teri

     
  • At 2:46 PM, Blogger Rainbow-Bright said…

    Yeah, I had a hard time getting past "silly sally" too Teri but after riding in a car with him last night and hearing him belt out "Grease is the word" louder than me and SS...I think he is safe. Although for about 10 hours he had me worried sick thinking he was a crazy man.

     
  • At 4:20 PM, Blogger cathouse teri said…

    Wow.. A man who sings showtunes is definitely a keeper!

    And here I sit, eating horrible and awful snack things that parents buy for their children's lunchboxes. Today's fare: Hunt's pudding snack pack, S'mores flavor............. OMIGOD! I couldn't take more than one bite... and then I opened up some fruit snacks... I mean, what can be bad about those? Well these are NASCAR snacks and I could only stand to eat the red one. The others look entirely inedible.

    Do we really train our children's palates to enjoy this shit??????

    *teri jumps off a cliff*

     
  • At 8:58 PM, Blogger Kirsti said…

    Romantic age yeah... man. I have so many stories that are not bloggable you guys. Who wants an update?

    Also, yes yes, Scary. get to know eachother. Take is schloooow. But, also! HOT COP! HI!

     
  • At 9:52 AM, Blogger Becka said…

    Very sweet. A little sappy, but I know and understand how he wants to lay it all on the line to you so things can get rolling. Pace yourself. Neither of you are who you are back then. I'm not saying that's a bad thing. Just different. Take the time to get to know each other again.
    All this coming from the hypocrit that would jump in with both feet before even changing into her swimsuit if the opportunity ever arose with **long lost true love and soulmate**.
    Either way, I'm happy for you. Both of you. If it doesn't end up in a committed romantic relationship, at least you both have reconnected with an old friend. That alone is something to be cherished.

    Group hug!!!!!!!!

     
  • At 10:10 AM, Blogger cathouse teri said…

    Yay us!!!

     

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