Out of Character

Just two friends, sharing, laughing and remembering...Good Times!

Thursday, April 28, 2005

SIT AND SPINZ

I just realized what my life is missing and I would like to credit
Master Foley with this enlightening discovery!

I haven't been truly happy since childhood. I realized today, right this minute, that I haven't been happy since I outgrew my SIT-N-SPIN! It makes sense, doesn't it? After all, this toy could have you totally inebriated in a matter of minutes ....and it was FREAKING FREE, PEOPLE! I can remember being mad that I didn't get a happy meal or the last beer in the fridge and I would run in my room and slam my door ...and there is was in the middle of the floor ..just waitting to carry me away ...my sit and spin ...I would hop on and away we would go. I could spin that thing furiously for what was surely, at least, 7 minutes! Then fall back in the floor and close my eyes. ...It was mesmerizing and intoxicating. "I WANT MY SIT N SPIN BACK"

What was your favorite childhood toy?

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Tuesdays Thought...

Have you ever noticed that "Colin Powell" ...sounds a lot like "Colon Pal" ...just an observation from the drunk chick in the corner;)

Terrific Tuesday Everyone (**says while trying to think of one positive thing ....struggling**)

Monday, April 25, 2005

HELP! I'VE BEEN ROBBED!

Vandels! Scally-Waggs! Arrrrhhh ...when I find you I'll ...why I'll ....I'll report you to the nearest law enforcement officer (sorry ladies ...I was trying to locate pic of hot cop to post here -only came up with hotcops.com ...and now have history of porn use on work computer ..not worth the effort)

...Friday afternoon upon my departure I noticed, while moving an 80 pound roll of paper I procured from the newspaper back home (for packing my 57 glass chickens in the kitchen), that I no longer had a license tag on my truck. SOMEONE STOLE MY LICENSE TAG ...in broad daylight people ...and right before Thunder Over Louisville ..when I'm going to want to have a blast and every cop in town will be on duty to harrass me about not having a tag and being publicly intoxicated.

Do you know what you have to do when your tag is lost/stolen? Well ...if you live where I do you have to jump through hoops to get the attention of the receptionist at the police department and have her file a report for you. Then listen as she scolds you and describes what trick you are to perform next. I think my karma is all funked up right now ...two run ins with the law in one day ...However, ...I'd have much rather "done tricks" on the officer that pulled me over Friday morn ...as opposed to Hilda at the station. uuuuggghhh.

I wonder what the perp is doing with my tags right now? Probably a heinous crime that will be traced back to me ...I'll probably get some good "air time" for this...

Friday, April 22, 2005

MEMPHIS BELLE?

Just when I wonder if my life can get any cooler ...IT DOES! It looks like I have been invited to a bachelorette party in MEMPHIS!! (they probably want me to strip or something) MEMPHIS PEOPLE!!! This is way to cool for me. Everyone knows you have to party in memphis at least once ...I'm SO SUPER PSYCHED about this trip. A road trip TO MEMPHIS ...with a truckload of girls! This will be commical I'm sure! I hope Rainbow can go. Now ...oh what will I wear (or not wear!!) I can't wait to go. It's not until June 18th so we have plenty of time to find the perfect "boogie shoes" ..AHHHH I LOVE THE NIGHT LIFE!

**On a side note** I was pulled over this morning by "a law enforcement officer" ...doing 70 in a 45! LOL, I hadn't even made it through town yet! As soon as I passed him I parked and waitted for him to register what just happened ...there was like a 3 second delay in the time that I blew by and parked and he turned on his lights to come after me. I had to laugh. At one point in my life I had so many speeding tickets the state of Ky was trying to take my license back ...HMMP! INDIAN GIVER! ...but I haven't had a ticket in years. So ...it took me back this morning. Our conversation was a bit interesting ...that and we were in the middle of the country ...not a soul around at 6:30 this morn ...When he explained to me that it was his birthday I just knew what was coming next ...I was going to have to give this man a "birthday blow job" to get out of this ...I was a little shocked when he said "and since it's my birthday I'm going to let you go with a warning" WOW! DARN THE LUCK OF SOME PEOPLE (...don't hate!) Be happy for me ...I'm a single mom (again!) I can't afford a ticket ...and at that rate of speed he could have hauled my moon pie to jail! ...I was a little disappointed that I didn't remember to take his pic with my handy cam to post *Here* for you ...he was kind of cute ...and smelled, oddly, of vegtable oil;)

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

BREAK OUT THE MOON PIES!

Well ...Put some dogs on the grill and fire up the tiki torches ...I'M COMING HOME!!! I sure have enjoyed my time spent in Indiana and life with a real live rockstar has been pretty exciting ...but I miss my friends and family and my simple life in Kentucky.

It's hard to convey how I feel today. Bittersweet I guess. I moved here with intentions of forever ...forever turns out to be a little too long in this case. It's hard to leave someone who brought your world to life. We've done so much together in 2 short years. ...and dreamed a lot of big dreams. I am thankful for what the rockstar gave me and will always hold the good times near and dear and remember, I too, "partied like a rockstar" ...If only for a little while.

Life takes you all sorts of crazy directions sometimes just to lead you back where you started... It's feels good to go home.

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Oh happy day!

First, I must appologize for my boring post yesterday. I re-read this afternoon and I even had a hard time getting through it. I should have just said...I rocked to BFS and left it at that. So, sorry...not one of my finer moments!

So, today was my interview and I am so super psyched. I found out that not only would I have my own office (biggggg office) but I would also be able to modify my hours to what I want! Also...they will continue to let me attend any trainings I want, so more "business" trips like the one I'm about to attend will be in my future. Another big plus is that they reimburse me for up to 80% of college courses, so I will be able to finish my degree...FINALLY!

All this sounds great and I can't wait to talk to them next week when I return...then, we will discuss money. We all know thats what its really about. Are they willing to pay me what I believe I am worth and deserve??? Of course I think I'm worth BIG DOLLARS, I mean my butt sex post alone says that, right? ; ) I think my chances are good of getting what I ask for and I am so looking forward to talking to them next week and getting this finalized.

Hope you guys have a great week and PLEASE keep Strawberrie company, she will post later in the week I'm sure but she had a rough weekend and has been busy. Let's just say that what she will post has me on "cloud 9"! Not the whole story cause its not the best but the outcome...it's what I've been waiting over a year for! Oh and also tell her that she NEEDS to visit me in Lexington later in the week! ;)

Monday, April 18, 2005

Bowling for Soup and SO MUCH MORE

This Saturday I got to get out of the house for a little fun...nothing like I plan on having later this week in the big city but still I got out. The band
Bowling for Soup whom I love happened to be playing at a local college so I make the trip up to L'ville ready to party. Bad thing is...it was a baptist college and alcohol is not allowed on school grounds. Then to make matters worse we go eat at Qdoba and they only have bottled beer, no other malt drinks. I really wasn't in the mood for beer, that usually doesn't come until later in the night...after the hard liquor. Remember "liquor before beer..." Sure you do. Problem is, I didn't get either and had I known I would've suffered with the bottle stuff just to get a little buzz at least. I especially would have, had I known I would be thrown into a freakin' mosh pit with a bunch of kids who were barely of legal age, much less drinking age. Those people are down right crazy! Who wants to get shoved so hard they fall back into the big stinky guy behind you???

So anyway, we get there after the first two bands perform and with a name like "Riddlin Kids" I don't think we missed much. The band just before BFS was called American Hi-Fi and I thought they were really good. They have songs on the soundtracks of the American Pie trilogy...pretty good stuff. When they were finished we stood around waiting for BFS to take the stage and pretty much laughing at how young the kids looked. Why does it seem that the older you get the younger everyone else is? These college kids looked and acted like I did in high school. Just makes me wonder if when I'm 40 or 50 if they will seem like 1st graders???

Then, the boys took the stage and somehow I was disgusted and turned on at the same time, how is that possible? Well, it is possible because one of their guitarist, Chris is an easy 350 lbs of tattooed ickiness and the drummer, Gary is the quiet, bangin' the heck out of the drums type who was suprisingly hot in person. Maybe it was because there was not that much to look at but he totally turned me on. Drummers have always been my preference AND he had that sexy little patch of hair on his chin, there is something about that...SEXY! It's probably a good thing that I don't get to see many live concerts, I'd imagine being a roadie would be tough with a family and all. ;)

Oh yeah, wish me luck for my interview tomorrow...and that I make it back from my big party...ummm I mean business trip. LOL

Thursday, April 14, 2005

YAHTZEE!

Saturday evening ...after I could walk again (*see yesterdays post) some friends called and invited me to a night out with the girls. Now ..before you go picturing wild women dancing on bar tops and consuming every drop of alcohol they can get their lips on ...let me give you the scenerio;) They called to ask if I would like to BINGO! HA! We're "twenty something" hot chicks (again, it is healthy to have a positive self image!) and we have nothing better to do on Sat. night than sit in a smokey bingo hall and get dirty looks from the "purple headed people eaters" (a.k.a -crotchety old women with purple hair). OKAY! Sounds like fun, I'M IN!

As I was preparing for the "my big night out" one of my girlfriends stopped by ..so, of course, we had to fret about what we were wearing for an hour and make a huge deal out of NOT EVER HAVING ANYTHING TO WEAR (hey master, betcha like the sound of that, didn't ya??) ...the rockstar, becoming increasingly perplexed asks, "and what kind of bingo are you going to" ...LOL, we just like to be the "best dressed" (I think that stems back to growing up too poor to EVER be best dressed) ...Had we only known what our fellow bingo goers were wearing maybe we could have toned it down a sequin or two;)

3 hours later -we were off (and feeling pretty lucky I might add) Dressed to the nines in shimmer shirts and sparkly pointy heels (it's all about the shoes AND JEWELS!!!) we had to ask for directions several times before our arrival ...and we got some pretty strange looks from people when we asked about the bingo hall (Do you think we're over-dressed?)

We finally locate this place - Behind a Big Lots in what looks to be an abandoned building with no sign at all ...it looks like a secret club ...HOW EXCITING!! I grab the handle to the door, my pulse quickens and palms are sweaty ...ahhh yeah ..this is it ...by the time we leave here tonight ladies, we'll be high rollers ...or at least I will, I put a HEX on you before we left the house;) I open the door and might as well have walked in with a big bleeding gash down my face -attack of the purple headed people eaters!! ...Relax old folks, don't hate ....Not everyone can wear this kind of get-up to bingo, I know;)

We buy our cards and after a brief explanation from the smoking amazon at the door we found a seat ...now, I'm very social ...and I love to talk ...so immediatly we start cutting up and having our usual blast ..not really paying attention to our surroundings and posing for pics with our bingo cards. Laughing all the way! Then we realize "bingo boy" (security) is headed our way. OK, Time to get serious ...SERIOUS HEXING ...Do you ever wish bad for other people and just ...not really feel that bad about it? After the first round (not first, we missed first ...late comers) I was pretty into it and I really wanted to win "Please God, Let me win ..I could do this this and this ...and so and so doesn't need it ..she'd just waste it" LOL, I had to sit back and laugh, I am in a gambling facility - PRAYING! ..and not only am I praying, I'm praying that God does not bless my friends, but chooses me instead! WTF kind of friend is that?

One round was "coverall bingo" ..apparently this is where you cover every number on the game. They were only going to call odd numbers so we were supposed to go ahead and "dot" all the even ones ...I'm "dotting" like crazy trying to gt all my even numbers covered before the game begins ...LOL, then I realize no one else is ...no one else is ...because this was a separate game on a small playing piece ..not the 36 square piece game i was working on! hee hee hee, I probably one that night and don't even know it.

I really had a hard time keeping up ..being a new-by and all ...then i started thinking about blind people playing bingo (for whatever reason!) They have created brail everything these days ...Why not brail bingo ...and if so ..how does it work? I can just imagine all those old blind people running their fingers over 36 squares of coverall! YAHTZEE!!

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

"CRISCO" - BUTT BASTE OF CHOICE;)

I was in a rather generous mood on Saturday. I'm not really into "butt sex" at all but, to my understanding, it drives boys wild. ...so every now and then (not so now ..more so then) I indulge the rockstar in a little "freaky leaky love" ...We were all alone without a kid around so I gave into his pleading. ...but first, "I'll need some lubricant" ...and do you know why it's called Lubri-CANT? ...because if you don't have any -You CAN'T do it! ...Fresh out ...ALL OUT! Not a single drop (that could be tied back to a previous blog;) So immediately the rockstar starts shouting out all the everyday household products we can use: tanning lotion, wd-40, body wash ...the list goes on and on ...the most bizarre was "mayonaisse" ...sounds like he's done this before;) Then he had a revelation, "Let's use cooking oil" ..that just might work! The conversation went something like this:

ME: Whoa, wait a minute ...you want me to take fat from a dead animal and put it in my butt so that you can have sex THAT I DON'T EVEN WANT TO HAVE? NO WAY!!

HIM: NO, it's ok ...it's vegetable oil

ME: So ...let me get this straight ...you want to take a bushel of beans and press the oil out of them and put that in my a** so that you can do this

HIM: I don't think it'd take a whole bushel

ME: You under estimate the butt!

So, I begrudgingly agree and he skips down stairs for the oil (LOL, could I make him sound any gayer? Butt sex and skipping! He'd be flabergasted if he ever read this -HA! Flabergasted ... instant "gayness") He comes back upstairs carrying a shotglass full of veg. oil! ...Now I'm cracking up! I guess you had to be there and from your point of view at this point you probably want to vomit, but it was really quite commical;)

But ..I ws starting to have second thoughts ...I was just a little concerned that this could cause some damage internally ..or give me some kind of booty cooties. I mean, what if I had to go to the doctor ...I was just playing the converation over and over in my head:

DR: I think I see the problem. Ms.Shortcake, Have you been putting animal fat or veg. oil in your butt? **They would have to recognize, they probably see this stuff all the time**

ME: Well ..yes DR. Is that a problem?

DR: What would make you think it is ok to put veg oil in your butt?

ME: That's my loser rockstar boyfriend **I mean, what am I supposed to say???**

So, here's the deal ...I did the deed, but If for whatever reason, I end up having to go to the Dr. The rockstar has to buy me a new outfit for my pain and suffering ...but mostly the embarrasment from hearing the Dr say "Have you been having butt sex"

What about you ...What's your favorite lubri-CANT?

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

TERRIFIC TUESDAY!

...anything has got to be better than Monday. Yesterday morning I woke up so exhausted I took:

2 excedrine (for the hangover and caffiene boost)
Levelle (for my cold and legal ephedra)
2 Hydroxy cuts (for this fabulous bod I have not and ...again ..legal ephedra)
and 14 dr. pepper (because I wanted them!)

And after smoking my mid morning crack -I WAS WIRED! by noon, my nerves were so nervous I had wore myself out and had to take a nap;)

Week-end Recap:

Friday Morn I played hookie (not hooker, that was last friday;) and loaded up all 10 kiddos in the mini bus for a road trip!! Okay, not really a road trip ...we drove 45 mins. to meet rainbow bright and her family at KY Kingdom/Six Flags. After spending $60 on a picnic lunch we were in (no wonder boys never want to take us on picnics -too many dollars!) We had a good day full of whining, crying and sweaty underpits (for me anyway, I underestimated the temp -by 40 degrees) We saw the "Eric Houdini Show" ...I somehow ended up on stage where he tried to cut my head off and accidentally took by bra off instead ...I knew I shouldn't have worn the studded leather ...I think it was a bit much for such a G-Rated show. It was good to just hang out with the kids and r.b. (I love that girl!!) ...and I love our kids. It's sad to watch them all growing up, but it's neat to see the wonderful people they are turning into. We are very blessed.

Friday night I drove an hour in the opposite direction to drop my load of joy (hmm ...maybe you boys are thinking that could mean something besides my truck full of kiddo's) at my momma's house ..and I would like to say here "thank goodness for moms" -I NEEDED A DRINK! Turned around and drove a very fast hour back to Louisville to meet rockstar at comedy caravan for drinks -and a "hypnotic show' -I was more mesmorized by the drinks;) Heres where things get interesting. Being raised a by a very very conservative family -okay ...prejudice family. I have never been attracted to black men. Not that I am prejudice myself ..because I am so not and it infuriates me that my family members are. ...but it was just not a road that I journeyed. Never really even thought about it ...we all have certain tastes and ...mine was just not chocolate. However, I am quite certain I have been infected with JUNGLE FEVER! OH SISTER, let me tell you there was one fine speciMAN of a black fella at this place ...just cut up and chisled out and had the personality of a true playa' (girls, you know you like them!) The hypnotist asked him to "perform" on stage as if he were in an adult film ...this man ...made my mouth water and left me aching for more. ...I'm quite certain I could have boogied with him all night long (and long it was) YES'A ...He was one HOT BROTHER! ...and you know the rockstar has not let me live it down;)

What's your flavor?

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

My Jerry Springer Moment

So, this has been saved as a draft for a week...guess, I can post it now!

This actually happend a couple of weeks ago but since I am still dealing with the mess, I thought I would share. Some of you may remember my blog about my car accident the week before Christmas when I slid down an icy hill, smashed into a dividing wall then finally came to rest against a guardrail which was the only thing keeping me from plunging 30 feet to my certain death. Well, after a grand total of $8,000, and 30 days later, I had my SUV back. This one traumatized me greatly because I just knew I was doomed! Course, I escaped with not even a scrape...unless you count my damaged ego from everyone laughing at me and telling me that I can't drive. Oh well, on with the story... So, last month I'm in the drive thru line at Mc D's ordering when I look in my rear view mirror to find this car backing up...I yelled at the chick to stop as I tried to move up but the ditz didn't stop and she backed right into my freshly painted bumper, scratching it all to hell. I didn't notice it at the time but right as she was backing up, the manager from Mc'D's is running out the door to the car, screaming, "Get the F*** out of that car, right now!" She then proceeded to begin beating on the window of the car that just hit me, all the while screaming, "what the $%*&@#" and "Is that bitch carrying you baby or somethin?" From the car emerges the scraggliest looking fellow I've ever seen, with his head hung down in shame. The two love-birds then ride off into the sunset, leaving me pissed off with scratches on my bumper and the trashy chick who hit me with dents in her door.

So, the police were called to file a report and guess what??? Girl, doesn't have proof of insurance...imagine that! "Of course I have it officer, I just left my husband in Ohio and didn't get a new card." Yeah, whatever! So, she is sited for the violation and we go on our way...me finally getting food and her going back to the trailer park she came from. So, I get my estimate...$488 and deliver it to the county attorney's office in hopes they add it to her charges so she will have to pay me when she pays her court costs. That would be all fine and good...IF she appeared! She did not, so now there is a warrant out for this 21 year old and my truck STILL isn't fixed.

Other than that mess...I might be following in the footsteps of a fellow blogger and moving on to a new job. This prospect sounds even better, given the recent events around this place. If the job comes thru, I will hit the ground running and not look back but we'll see what happens and I'll keep you guys posted cause I know how much you care. ;)

Oh and sorry I've left the job of keeping you all up to date up to Strawberrie alone but between this job and being sick for over a week, I'm lucky to be here now. I do miss you all though and try to check in with you daily, even if I don't comment.

Friday, April 01, 2005

Disgruntled Worker?

Have you ever worked with someone that ...just does not know what they are doing, does not have a clue about the way the business is run and creates so much additional work for you that you want to back over them in your SUV after work? ...Well, that person is me. Really! I am in a position that ...I really feel a little small for. It's quite troublesome for me because it undermines my exceptionally high self esteem;) and really really annoys the 3 boys I work for. First of all, in my defense, I would like to say that I am generally a high achiever ...on average;) and I really strive to learn the business and make sense of it all ...IT IS JUST SO FOREIGN TO ME! ...and honestly, I am not the brightest crayon in the box. So, as you can imagine some days are more stressful than others and since I am learning ...everyone tries to be patient. However, there are days that patience is a virtue we're not alloted.

This week a problem arose. A small problem but an ENORMOUS one for me to solve on my own. I won't focus on the problem (did I mention I have a problem focusing?) but would rather look at the chain of events it caused here at the workplace. I think by asking for help with this situation some underlying hostilities came to surface ...and, In this guys defense, I completely understand those frustrations ...I'd be fed up with me too;) ...anyway, a couple of "nasty-grams" were sent via email regarding my imcompetance. I got my feelings hurt (because I've got those stupid girl "feelings") and someone thought an "apology" was in order ....guess he saw my big ol' tears via the camera he had installed UNDER MY DESK. This is where things get interesting:

THE TRUCE: After lunch my co-worker (if I'm not really a "worker" does that still make him a "co-worker"???) presents me with a beautiful chocolate cross from the candy store down the street (this is like dreamo-supremo choco- ...best you ever had!!) ...but, sits it upside down on my desk ...I asked "What's that supposed to mean" His reply "I think it's supposed to be the sign of the devil" ..hmm ..ok, does he mean i'm like the devil or is he cursing my desk or what? Then he asks "Don't you feel strange about eating "the cross" ...WTF? It's a freaking piece of chocolate what do you expect me to do? -Plant it in my front yard and kneel before it every morning? ...During this same time, my boss brings in another piece of chocolate ...(cause he ROCKS! -when he's not being an a**) This one is a cute little teddy bear -then co-worker #1 says "Hey, lets tie the teddy bear to the cross" ....Now, do you see why I drink so much? What is wrong with this picture? Do normal people behave this way?

Anyway, say a little prayer for me today that God sends some brains down here to me -EXPRESS DELIVERY PLEASE! I am dying here ..and really, I'd like to keep my job ..I sort a like the boys;)