Out of Character

Just two friends, sharing, laughing and remembering...Good Times!

Monday, July 31, 2006

Clear as a bell

I am sort of still spinning from my totally eventful weekend. I think the realization of my impending divorce hit me like a ton of bricks last week. A big thanks to SS and Becka for reminding me that this week would be SIX months of separation for me. Six long months and no real strides made either way...we were in a holding pattern. I was suffering, my kids were suffering and their was no real end in sight Until this weekend...

Almost-Ex picked up the kids Saturday afternoon as usual, he was keeping them for the night. I didn't have any real plans for the weekend but had been talking with WAY TOO CUTE firefighter for about a week and he has been "trying" to talk to me longer...I always resisted, hoping things would work out with my marriage. I actually even thought about setting him up with SS...until her and hot wake board boy hooked up again. He is just too nice of a guy and an excellent conversationalist. We can spend hours talking about anything and everything or we can just sit in total silence and enjoy the tune on the radio.

...anyway, got sidetracked a little. :) After spending the day on the lake with FF, and having a wonderful time...I awaited the call from kids saying they were on their way home. Of course, Almost-Ex got on the phone and asked 20 questions. When I told him I was with "a few people," he got the idea and of course was not happy. I mean, he could date and see whomever he chooses, but it's a different story with me, right? What followed after his initital anger is the best part of the story (aside from the sweet little goodbye kiss from FF) we actually TALKED! No yelling, arguing or blaming...we just opened up and let it all go. It was such a moment of clarity for me...he was actually "relieved" that I had been honest with him about my boating date. I think it alleviated some of the guilt he has been holding for doing whatever he has been up to.

Mainly I think we realized that we are great parents...we are NOT a great couple and both of us only wants the best for the other one but the kids are first and foremost our priority. They will be happy if we are happy...even if it's not with each other.

So, today is the first day of my new life (old me is back, I'm happy to report)...and I am ready to take on the world!

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

WHITE TRASH FLEA BAG....

What I am about to say can NEVER leave this room. **looks around for eves-droppers** MY GRANDMA HAS FLEAS... **looks embarrassed** AND I'M MAD AS HELL. How did this happen. I feel like we are instant WHITE TRASH FLEA BAGS!

My grandma is ...more than eccentric ...she's downright ODD. God love'er ...and I LOVE HER! She's mean and old and cranky and crabby and I talk to her every morning at 630 -religiously, without fail. EVEN WHEN I'M RUNNING LATE. The best memories of my childhood always involve her. I LOVE HER! But her house ...oh gawsh ..needs to be condemned. And she will not let you touch anything, fix anything or clean up ANYTHING. She's a pack rat, saves EVERYTHING ...including every daily paper from 1972 to today. Heres where the story gets interesting.

Yesterday my grandma had surgery on her eyes. I wasn't able to go, but called my sister to check and make sure everything was going ok. This is when **sister** tells me that gran is sitting in the Dr. office with fleas all over her and the children are flipping out over the fleas, my dad is sitting in a chair (IN THE OFFICE) SNORING! And my sister is melting in her chair dying to be invisible ...As she dutifully picks fleas off of my grandmothers face. She said "I felt like a monkey picking fleas off my monkey-ma".

So, as you can imagine, I sat at my desk fuming ...just mad as hell ...all afternoon. By 430 I WAS LIVID! Her house has to be cleaned and fleas exterminated. After work, I drove to the store. Took hold of the cart with sheer determination, walked thru the store with a vengence, placing the following items in my cart:

gasoline container
box of matches
bleach
garbage bags
AND 18 FLEA BOMBS

They surely reported me for suspicious behavior.

So I drive to grans ..just happen to have some boxers and tank top in the car -change out of my work clothes into WORK clothes ..mind you -I have no tennis shoes so I'm still wearing my heels from work to WORK in ...and ..just snap. All of those emotions ..anger, hate, hurt, embarrasement, love (for her), loath (for dad because he WON'T DO ANYTHING) ...It all came out. I'm standing there in boxers, a tank and high heels ..tears streaming down my face, anger in my heart, fleas biting my legs and matches in hand. Things are really out of control.

I was throwing newspapers from 20 years ago into a fiery pit of hell. Here's where the gasoline comes into play. ...I've never actually USED gasoline as firestarter ..but I HAVE seen it done. Try pouring a tank of gasoline on papers already burning while standing on uneven creek rock in 3" heels. KA-BOOM! That stuff can knock you off your rocker! -or just rocks in my case. I nearly bbq'd my whole being!! I'm already MAD AS HELL ...and now I'm really mad. I'm cussing ..just fuming!! Tossing and Burning ..fighting the fleas off with every step. Throwing my hands up in the air and shaking my fists ..yelling out loud to no one. I'm sure it was commical.

When I was done I was covered in bites and fleas and I'm sure the babies will hatch in a couple of days ..there was no way I was getting in my truck and I couldnt go in the house (I'd set off 18 flea bombs) ...so I strip down stark naked in the backyard and commence to washing myself down with the water hose. I scrub and cuss and scrub and cuss some more and try to scrub enough to wash off the mad and cuss enough that the hate leaves my heart... I am a white trash flea bag...

Friday, July 21, 2006

Queens of Memphis...

7 Girls, 2 Cars and 9 bottles of Rum=One Kick A** Road Trip! Memphis will never be the same! I WILL NEVER BE THE SAME! I guess, living in small town KY makes me oblivious to the happenings of the big city life sometimes. Things are a lot different out there and when in memphis -it's a all at your fingertips.

We started on our journey Sat. morn- Only after my little sis blew up the cell phones to alert everyone it was the butt crack of dawn so we should get started... Did she mean drinking or driving??? Not sure -so I poured a glass on the run and hopped in. 8am -LET THE DRINKING BEGIN! Memphis is alot further than I thought ...took 2 bottles to get us there! After missing our exit, fighting one way streets and turning down crack we checked into "Holiday Select" -7 girls, one night = 2 carts full of luggage and 3 bell boys carrying cases of Mich Lite and Mount Gay Rum. Have you ever seen 7 drunk girls all get ready at the same time in one bathroom -better yet ...sharing 2 mirrors?? Ask the Peabody -they did;) I'm sure every room with their shades open send out Kudos to Kitty for the Fried Eggs Served Sunny Side up!

Shoes- Definitely givin' shouts out to our cool shoes -pictures must be posted eventually! And removed promptly ((never can be too careful)) Shoes like that are way to hot to just be posting pics anywhere!

Memphis was fun. ...but I think I could have fun with those girls in a cold dark basement. Life is what you make it wherever you are. And my girls know what it's about... PARTYING LIKE ROCKSTARS EVERY CHANCE YOU GET!

Thursday, July 06, 2006

PORTION CONTROL...

LOL -this morning as I was trying to stretch over my belly to shave my legs I realized I need: PORTION CONTROL.

So being in the mood that I am in today ...I've came up with my own rendition of Princes' pop song PU**Y CONTROL. -It's not quite finished so feel free to chime in anytime. When I make big I'll take you all with me;)

So here goes:

Good morning fatty patties –Cows and Heifers all right
This is your cook with back fat and I’m here with food you’ll like
With potatos that will soon be classic
And brisket, you already know
No vegetables and no broccoli
Just a little “portion control”

Ahhhh …Portion Control Oh oh

Our story begins in a bedroom
Fat girl hides bologna in bed
A tisket A tasket junk in her basket
Guzzles down 6 big reds

That's just where we are today. My challenge to you would be to come up with the next verse!